I can't believe it's finally happening! I feel like after a year of complaining we are finally moving in together! This is a huge step for me, as I have never lived with anyone before. I can say I have mixed emotions about this. Part of me is very excited and can't wait to start moving and decorating our apartment. The other half of me is scared. I am not going to lie I am going to miss my mom and my cats. I will have to go and visit them a few times a week.
One concern that I want to address is how am I going to put up with Donald. He is not mean, but he is extremely lazy. I will not be able to tolerate that. He will have to contribute to the cleaning and housework as well. I have told him that; I just hope he complies. That's one thing I will not put up with is his laziness. I also am going to start cooking healthier recipes. I love Don and I care a lot about his health, but he really does need to lose some weight. I want to discuss that with him, but it is a sensitive subject and I don't want to hurt him or make him feel bad. I know he already feels bad. The last thing I want to do is make him feel worse about himself.
I am going to start making him work out with me as well. It's great that our apartment has a 24hr free access gym. That will help out a lot, not with just him but with me as well. I can stand to get into shape a bit. I just want us to start eating healthier and being more fit.
Moving into our own apartment is making me excited. I have a lot of decoration ideas to make it pretty. Don already gave me the green light in that department. This is going to be the fun part. The not-so-fun part is the finances. I already handed all that responsibility over to Don. HA! I know my own bills to pay, but he can manage the rest.
All this change in my life is going to be drastic and it's going to take me a while to adjust, but I am definitely looking forward to what the rest of this year holds for us.
Here's to happiness & love.
XOXOX
MONICA*NICOLE
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Looking Ahead...
Lately, I have been thinking; mainly about the future. My future. I am stuck at AT&T as a tech rep, but I don't want to be here for the rest of my life. I really need to figure out what I would like to do with my life. I want to figure out something fun that I would enjoy doing. I just don't feel Kentucky has that kind of opportunity. Maybe in the bigger cities. I wish I had the money to buy a house out in Lexington or Louisville. I would love to get a job and live out there especially with Donald. I think we would be a lot more successful and happier away from Ashland. The city does not have much to offer. I just feel like I am stuck herre with no where to go and no way to progress. I think Don and I need to move away; however, there are other cities that are pretty much the same as here. The grass is not always greener on the other side. To make a long story short: I am pretty much sick of my job.
Right now, I would rather be working at Cinemark with the old crew. I loved that job; it was mostly fun. The people there made it fun. I was not always stuck at a desk. I was behind a counter, but I was on my feet most of the day. I really enjoyed that job. That's where I met, Donald, or as I used to call him: Mr. W.
Little did I know that he would forever change my life. I wished I had been smarter about a few things that didn't cause Don to lose his job. I will say some of the chaos was caused by me, but then other people didn't need to stick their nose in our business. I know a lot of co-workers at Cinemark had a crush on Don, but I am so thankful that I am the one he chose. Perhaps, if he still worked for Cinemark things would not be as good as they are no. No need to dwell on the "what-if's".
Right now at this point in my life, I thought I would have more accomplished, maybe even have a kid...or two. I must say that despite the lack of those thing I am quite happy. The only thing that would make me happier is when Don and I finally get our own place. That is the one thing I really want. I am going to start pushing him towards it more, because we are both procrastinators and we always wait until the last moment. This cannot wait until the fall. I would like to see us moved into our own house by July 2015. I am not looking for something elegant or expensive...just a small apartment that we can call ours. Then maybe in like 5 years we can move away to a bigger city such as: Columbus, Cincinnati, Lexington, Louisville.
These are things I would like to see happen, and for now I am just looking ahead to all the possibilities.
XOXO
Monica Nicole
Right now, I would rather be working at Cinemark with the old crew. I loved that job; it was mostly fun. The people there made it fun. I was not always stuck at a desk. I was behind a counter, but I was on my feet most of the day. I really enjoyed that job. That's where I met, Donald, or as I used to call him: Mr. W.
Little did I know that he would forever change my life. I wished I had been smarter about a few things that didn't cause Don to lose his job. I will say some of the chaos was caused by me, but then other people didn't need to stick their nose in our business. I know a lot of co-workers at Cinemark had a crush on Don, but I am so thankful that I am the one he chose. Perhaps, if he still worked for Cinemark things would not be as good as they are no. No need to dwell on the "what-if's".
Right now at this point in my life, I thought I would have more accomplished, maybe even have a kid...or two. I must say that despite the lack of those thing I am quite happy. The only thing that would make me happier is when Don and I finally get our own place. That is the one thing I really want. I am going to start pushing him towards it more, because we are both procrastinators and we always wait until the last moment. This cannot wait until the fall. I would like to see us moved into our own house by July 2015. I am not looking for something elegant or expensive...just a small apartment that we can call ours. Then maybe in like 5 years we can move away to a bigger city such as: Columbus, Cincinnati, Lexington, Louisville.
These are things I would like to see happen, and for now I am just looking ahead to all the possibilities.
XOXO
Monica Nicole
Friday, January 23, 2015
2015- A start to a New Me.
Every year I see multiple posts relating the new year, new me type of situation. I always try to commit to at least two new activities that would improve my life, but this year that has changed. Yes, I want to get in shape and lose weight, but let's be honest, I don't have enough motivation and determination to get there. Maybe, before summer hits I will get my abs back, but that's not the concern for this post. This year is about me and finding myself.
This year I don't want to improve my physical appearance, I want to improve on the inside. I want to learn more and work harder to perform my job better, and hopefully get a better schedule. I want to work on my intellect and research subjects that I am not familiar with. There is so much to know, and I want to become smarter. Part of this reason, is because I think Don thinks I'm just another "pretty face". I want him to know that I am smart. I may not know a lot about history and politics, and I want to make myself smarter in those areas. I do need to be aware of what is taking place in the political world around me and aware of the news.
The other aspect I want to work on is my maturity. Soon, I will be almost 30 years old, and for some reason, that makes me nervous. I no longer want to act like a "teenager or young adult." It is time I take my life seriously and start planning ahead. Looking into the future. I really don't see myself working at AT&T for the rest of my life. I wish I could find a career. I would have liked to be a teacher, but that didn't work out for me. I hope I can find something I am good at and that allows me to live comfortably.
This year Don and I are committed to getting our own apartment. Well, let me rephrase that, I am. he seems a bit lazy about the whole thing. I keep pushing him and I still don't get a response. Sometimes with him, it's like trying to move a brick wall; it don't budge at all. On a side note: I really wish Don would work out more!! I am not trying to be shallow, but he is a little 'heavy'. I don't want him to get any bigger. Hopefully, I can talk to him about that, but that's always a difficult subject to discuss with someone. I am not sure how to bring it up!
One thing is for sure, I really want to move in with Donald. I am positive it will change our relationship. I will become more bitchy and irritable. I will push him and try to help him become healthier. I just wish in the near future...maybe next year....maybe, that he would propose to me. Every girl dreams of a white wedding. I just want mine to be with Donald Wieteki.
I think that is all for now.
Peace. Love.
Monica.Nicole
This year I don't want to improve my physical appearance, I want to improve on the inside. I want to learn more and work harder to perform my job better, and hopefully get a better schedule. I want to work on my intellect and research subjects that I am not familiar with. There is so much to know, and I want to become smarter. Part of this reason, is because I think Don thinks I'm just another "pretty face". I want him to know that I am smart. I may not know a lot about history and politics, and I want to make myself smarter in those areas. I do need to be aware of what is taking place in the political world around me and aware of the news.
The other aspect I want to work on is my maturity. Soon, I will be almost 30 years old, and for some reason, that makes me nervous. I no longer want to act like a "teenager or young adult." It is time I take my life seriously and start planning ahead. Looking into the future. I really don't see myself working at AT&T for the rest of my life. I wish I could find a career. I would have liked to be a teacher, but that didn't work out for me. I hope I can find something I am good at and that allows me to live comfortably.
This year Don and I are committed to getting our own apartment. Well, let me rephrase that, I am. he seems a bit lazy about the whole thing. I keep pushing him and I still don't get a response. Sometimes with him, it's like trying to move a brick wall; it don't budge at all. On a side note: I really wish Don would work out more!! I am not trying to be shallow, but he is a little 'heavy'. I don't want him to get any bigger. Hopefully, I can talk to him about that, but that's always a difficult subject to discuss with someone. I am not sure how to bring it up!
One thing is for sure, I really want to move in with Donald. I am positive it will change our relationship. I will become more bitchy and irritable. I will push him and try to help him become healthier. I just wish in the near future...maybe next year....maybe, that he would propose to me. Every girl dreams of a white wedding. I just want mine to be with Donald Wieteki.
I think that is all for now.
Peace. Love.
Monica.Nicole
Thursday, November 27, 2014
✳Addicted to Love✳♥
Real love isn't just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling--it's a deliberate choice--a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health" .
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one who holds my heart.
There isn't one person in this world that I want more than I want you.
"My God", he gasped, "you're fun to kiss"- F. Scott Fitzgerald
You don't find love, it finds you. It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate and what's written in the stars.
When I tell you...I LOVE YOU, I don't do it out of habit or just to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you ARE the BEST THING that has ever happened to me.
I wish I'd done everything on Earth with you- F. Scott Fitzgerald
It's easy to take off your clothes an have sex, people do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone. Letting them into you spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes and dreams...that is truly being naked.
Strong relationships require choosing to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other.
Love is a meeting of two souls, fully accepting the dark & the light within each other bound by the courage to grow through struggle into bliss.
You should never have to look for evidence that someone loves you. True love is crystal clear.
Love is meant to be an adventure!
He had the kind of eyes you could get lost in...and I guess I did.
Love is not affectionate feeling but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. - CS Lewis
We are all a little weird and life's a little weird. When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours wee join up with them and fall into mutual weirdness and call it love.- Dr. Seuss
Love is a drug, and we are all a junkie.
I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else. I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself. I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart. I'd rather have the one who holds my heart.
There isn't one person in this world that I want more than I want you.
"My God", he gasped, "you're fun to kiss"- F. Scott Fitzgerald
You don't find love, it finds you. It's got a little bit to do with destiny, fate and what's written in the stars.
When I tell you...I LOVE YOU, I don't do it out of habit or just to make conversation. I say it to remind you that you ARE the BEST THING that has ever happened to me.
I wish I'd done everything on Earth with you- F. Scott Fitzgerald
It's easy to take off your clothes an have sex, people do it all the time, but opening up your soul to someone. Letting them into you spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes and dreams...that is truly being naked.
Strong relationships require choosing to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other.
Love is a meeting of two souls, fully accepting the dark & the light within each other bound by the courage to grow through struggle into bliss.
You should never have to look for evidence that someone loves you. True love is crystal clear.
Love is meant to be an adventure!
He had the kind of eyes you could get lost in...and I guess I did.
Love is not affectionate feeling but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. - CS Lewis
We are all a little weird and life's a little weird. When we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours wee join up with them and fall into mutual weirdness and call it love.- Dr. Seuss
Love is a drug, and we are all a junkie.
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
Thank you AT&T for discombobulating me!
I know I haven't updated my blog in quite sometime, but things are going okay for the most part. I am just posting this to vent. I need to expel my hatred for the company AT&T. No, it's not about any of their products or services. I actually work for AT&T. I am a tech support specialist. The job title may not sound that bad, but it doesn't have many benefits. I do get full health, dental, and vision benefits, but as far as job perks, they are far and few. I started working there about a year ago. I left Cinemark due to the drama that came with dating Donald.
I basically hate the way AT&T runs the company. It is not smooth and it is not very beneficial to the employees. I even complained about that in the employee survey. I just hate the way they handle things. There is always a better way. Since I started there I despise the way they do the scheduling process. Every 5-6 months employees are able to bid on a new schedule. They put the most desired schedule as their number one choice and proceed to rank the available schedules. The thing is; this only changes every 5-6 months. I don't believe this is fair to all the employees. Some employees are students as well or have families to care for. I honestly think AT&T should do a schedule bidding every 3 months. Now that is something I could handle. I am saying 3 months because I know with over 400 employees it is hard to develop an organized schedule. Giving each manager a three month notification in advance would allow them to prepare properly for the changes. That would be more beneficial to the employees and managers as well. It would also help improve our stats as well. I just think it would be more productive as a company to hold more frequent shift bids.
The other thing about AT&T that ticks me off is their attendance policy. Once you become a full-time employee you are given eight points for the year. If I miss a day because I am sick or family emergency, then I gain a point against the eight. They even give you a point if you miss work due to severe weather conditions, and that is where I say it is not fair. No one can control the weather, and I don't see how AT&T can hold it against us if we can't make it because the roads are covered in ice. I am sorry, but I am not risking my life to make it to work. They can fire me, but at least I know I will be alive.I just find how they handle things to be poorly executed.
The new schedules just got released and well I am very upset about it. I work 2-11 with Saturdays and Sundays off. I am happy I get the weekends off. Don; however, got a shift working 11-8 with Thursdays and Fridays off. Yeah, not even a single day to spend together. This is why I am pushing for us to get our own place, besides I am tired of dealing with my mom. I love her, but I am done. But that's neither here nor there. I am just worried about how he's going to spend his time off. I really hope he doesn't start talking to some other girls and seeing other people. I love him with all my heart and I really want to be with him. I am determined to make this relationship work.
I am tired, exhausted, stressed and I am going to bed. Rant ended.
Monica Nicole.
I basically hate the way AT&T runs the company. It is not smooth and it is not very beneficial to the employees. I even complained about that in the employee survey. I just hate the way they handle things. There is always a better way. Since I started there I despise the way they do the scheduling process. Every 5-6 months employees are able to bid on a new schedule. They put the most desired schedule as their number one choice and proceed to rank the available schedules. The thing is; this only changes every 5-6 months. I don't believe this is fair to all the employees. Some employees are students as well or have families to care for. I honestly think AT&T should do a schedule bidding every 3 months. Now that is something I could handle. I am saying 3 months because I know with over 400 employees it is hard to develop an organized schedule. Giving each manager a three month notification in advance would allow them to prepare properly for the changes. That would be more beneficial to the employees and managers as well. It would also help improve our stats as well. I just think it would be more productive as a company to hold more frequent shift bids.
The other thing about AT&T that ticks me off is their attendance policy. Once you become a full-time employee you are given eight points for the year. If I miss a day because I am sick or family emergency, then I gain a point against the eight. They even give you a point if you miss work due to severe weather conditions, and that is where I say it is not fair. No one can control the weather, and I don't see how AT&T can hold it against us if we can't make it because the roads are covered in ice. I am sorry, but I am not risking my life to make it to work. They can fire me, but at least I know I will be alive.I just find how they handle things to be poorly executed.
The new schedules just got released and well I am very upset about it. I work 2-11 with Saturdays and Sundays off. I am happy I get the weekends off. Don; however, got a shift working 11-8 with Thursdays and Fridays off. Yeah, not even a single day to spend together. This is why I am pushing for us to get our own place, besides I am tired of dealing with my mom. I love her, but I am done. But that's neither here nor there. I am just worried about how he's going to spend his time off. I really hope he doesn't start talking to some other girls and seeing other people. I love him with all my heart and I really want to be with him. I am determined to make this relationship work.
I am tired, exhausted, stressed and I am going to bed. Rant ended.
Monica Nicole.
Friday, August 9, 2013
What is Love?
What is Love? There are many different definitions of love. One states that Love is a profoundly, tender affection for another person. Another defines it as deep passion and sexual desire. I honestly don't believe either of those. I believe we all have to conclude our own definitions of love. Yes, I do believe that it is a profound affection for another person. But with all the media focuses, does that include same-sex relationships? I don't think "LOVE" sees gender. The heart and the mind creates a profound attraction to a certain person, but the mind nor the heart sees gender as a key. If two people are in love, let them be, whether they are heterosexual or homosexual. I feel that love does not define gender. Love is a strange emotion, or a state of being. Love can bring happiness and joy to a person, but it can also end in heartache and sorrow. I cannot define love clearly. It is foggy, sometimes unclear, but when a person is in love, they will know it, feel it in their bones. Love is sort of like a drug that produces the same chemical effect as a "high." People do not want this feeling to end so they will do anything to keep it, even if it ends up hurting other people in the process. Love can be very dangerous and cause people to think un-clearly, and take negative actions against others in order to attain that feeling. When that feeling is lost, emptiness and darkness sets in and the feeling of despair and loneliness takes over. Some feel helpless and afraid that this will not go away. In the end is love really worth all this heartache? I believe so. Nothing in this world is perfect. We need to take the opportunity and fall with it. Love hard and deeply because we can learn from our heartaches and mistakes, and makes life's journey a little more exciting.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Is It Worth the Risk??
I have always heard love was about taking risks and making sacrifices. I believe that. But what about when it comes to job security? That one is complicated. Does one person quit the job they have had for over five years for a relationship that is not even guaranteed? Do both people involved quit and try to find something new? I am not going to start ranting about how bad our economy is and the rates of unemployment. Just know that right now, especially in my area it is very difficult to find a new full-time job with benefits. Is love really worth the sacrifice? I just wish I could find a different job ASAP, that way I could leave and you would not get fired. One too many people know already, and any one of those said persons could relate it back to the "Fat Man". I do not want to see that happen. You need your job. Me, on the other hand, can find a different job. With some determination and motivation I should land something better. I just wish there was something I could do or say to prevent the "Fat Man" from finding out. I would try my best to protect you, even though, you are a higher level employee than me. Honestly, this whole rule is bullshit. I know a lot of places that allow co-workers to date. Take hospitals and medical institutes for example. Nurses are allowed to date doctors, doctors with other doctors, etc. Just think about all the drama that goes on between those employees. I understand it is a bigger business, but with our smaller business I really don't understand it. Yes, it would cause trouble between other employees and it has. It's not like we flaunt it at work. We still act very professional around each other, and we don't talk about our relationship at work. If Taylor had not opened her mouth to Tyler than none of this would be happening right now. I think we were doing very well at keeping our relationship out of work. I wasn't always flirting with you while we worked together nor was I always talking about you. It just doesn't make sense, on why corporate is so hell bent on this one rule. I know you have had past experiences with previous employees, but it never affected your work ethic or your professionalism. You are very professional and good at what you do. It would practically break my heart to see you get fired just because we are together. I don't want this mess going back to corporate. That would make matters even worse. Right now I am just thinking, am I really worth all this trouble?? Then the worst thought comes to my mind. I even hate to think about it, because it is just outrageous. We could break-up, and call this whole thing off and never see each other any more. WHAT? NO!? I don't mean to sound selfish, but we are already drowning in this mess, might as well fight for what we want. I want you and yes, I am willing to fight. I know you're worried and so am I. I do not want to see you get fired. Lately, I haven't been able to eat or sleep right since this whole thing went down. It really scares me because I don't want you to lose your job. I fucking love you. I just want to get another job so I can get out and save you. Once I know your job is safe then I will be at peace. Until then I am going to work hard and have better motivation to find a better job.
Then if I do find a full-time job that pays really well, then I want us to start planning our future together. Because, let's face it we have made it this far why quit now? I believe if we make it through this mess then we can make it through anything, baby. I love you and I want you, and only you. I really hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon and this whole thing will just dissolve.
Goodnight
MonicaNicolex
Then if I do find a full-time job that pays really well, then I want us to start planning our future together. Because, let's face it we have made it this far why quit now? I believe if we make it through this mess then we can make it through anything, baby. I love you and I want you, and only you. I really hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon and this whole thing will just dissolve.
Goodnight
MonicaNicolex
Monday, May 20, 2013
Confessions of the Heart
To My Dragon,
This has been building up inside me and I really can't find the nerves to confess everything to you right away, so I am writing them down. I doubt you will read this: 1. Because you don't hardly get on twitter and 2. I am not sure if I am ready for you to read this yet. I just know I need to write them down or else I am going to go insane. So here it goes baby.
The past six months with you has been exceptional. I have really gotten to know you as a person and I enjoy spending time with you and hanging out with you, even if it is just once a week. I know this may seem selfish, but I would like to spend just a little more time with you, yeah our schedules conflict a lot, but we can make it work. We always do. I just feel so happy when I am with you. When I am not with you I find myself thinking about you. I see your smile in my head and your deep eyes, and it just makes me smile. You make me happy. I have to say lately that you have become the best part of my life, even when I am at work; you know what I mean by that one. haha. Each day I spend with you is a great day. It doesn't matter if we go out or stay in and watch Netflix, as long as I am with you that is all that matters baby. I must confess that you have become the better part of my life, and I don't ever want to change that. You are the only thing that makes sense in my life right now. And it has made determined to find a better job, one that pays more. Don't get me wrong I like my current job, and let's face it if I never did work there I would have never met you. So I am blessed for my job at the moment, it's just time I found something better. I have goals and plans. I want to be able to get a better paying job so I can afford my own apartment. If I ever get my own apartment you can come and stay with me as long as you would like. You can even have your friends and family come over as well. I wouldn't care. I just want us to be together. Speaking of your friends and family, I want to meet them. It's time. haha. I know they know about me, and you tell me stories about them as well. But I would really like to meet them. I understand this is all new to you, but now I am starting to feel like you're hiding me from them that you don't want them to meet me or vice versa. Are you embarassed of me? I honestly don't think so because you take me out all the time. I really am not trying to be a bitch baby, just confessing everything here. I just want to be more involved in your life and do things with you. I want to go on trips with you and your brother. Not all of them some of them would be fun. I just want us to be able to go places and have fun with your friends and family. Maybe even have a few cook outs this summer. That would be awesome! And you can come here and meet my crazy mom. We don't get a long as well anymore. I wish I knew why. She can be so needy sometims and if she doesn't get her way she can be a little bitchy as well. Well, I am starting to stray from the main topic...you.
Now here comes the really scary part. I know you probably don't feel exactly the same way but I need you to know this I have fallen in love with you, my Dragon. I can't exactly remember when, but it happened. You always joke about how much of an ass you can be, but I don't see it. Deep inside you are a caring person and one of the sweetest guys I know. That's why I have fallen in love with you. You are a gentleman and just so amazing...you are anything but an ass. We all have our moments where we "make an ass" of ourselves, but you're not a douche like all the other guys I guess that's why I developed a crush on you back in Sepetember. You are a real caring nice guy, and that is hard to find anymore, and it helps that you're really SEXY! haha. I have never been in a relationship like this one before, but I know I never want it to end. It's true though, I love you deeply and I don't want to lose you over this. I know how new this for you just as for me and it is scary. Please baby, don't push me away because of this. I have never been in love before at all, but I am most certain I am in love with you!! Don't shut me out now baby. You are the only guy I have ever opened up to and let in so much, but like I said in the beginning, I doubt you'll read this. I know relationships aren't perfect by any means, but I will fight for you and for us. I have never felt so strongly about someone before. To be honest, all the guys in my past were just for sex. I never really developed true feelings for them. With you, it's so much more than just sex. I believe we have an intimate emotional connection which is fueled by our trust for each other. I know you have friends that are girls, which you text, but I don't think you "like" any of them or would ever cheat on me. I highly doubt that, so baby, please don't prove me wrong. Haha. I wish I could get your feedback on this, but I am too nervous to let you read this. Maybe one day I shall share it with you. So there it is. Everything I have been holding in for a few months. Please don't hate me baby or push me away. I need you now!
Love Always,
Monica N Mullins
This has been building up inside me and I really can't find the nerves to confess everything to you right away, so I am writing them down. I doubt you will read this: 1. Because you don't hardly get on twitter and 2. I am not sure if I am ready for you to read this yet. I just know I need to write them down or else I am going to go insane. So here it goes baby.
The past six months with you has been exceptional. I have really gotten to know you as a person and I enjoy spending time with you and hanging out with you, even if it is just once a week. I know this may seem selfish, but I would like to spend just a little more time with you, yeah our schedules conflict a lot, but we can make it work. We always do. I just feel so happy when I am with you. When I am not with you I find myself thinking about you. I see your smile in my head and your deep eyes, and it just makes me smile. You make me happy. I have to say lately that you have become the best part of my life, even when I am at work; you know what I mean by that one. haha. Each day I spend with you is a great day. It doesn't matter if we go out or stay in and watch Netflix, as long as I am with you that is all that matters baby. I must confess that you have become the better part of my life, and I don't ever want to change that. You are the only thing that makes sense in my life right now. And it has made determined to find a better job, one that pays more. Don't get me wrong I like my current job, and let's face it if I never did work there I would have never met you. So I am blessed for my job at the moment, it's just time I found something better. I have goals and plans. I want to be able to get a better paying job so I can afford my own apartment. If I ever get my own apartment you can come and stay with me as long as you would like. You can even have your friends and family come over as well. I wouldn't care. I just want us to be together. Speaking of your friends and family, I want to meet them. It's time. haha. I know they know about me, and you tell me stories about them as well. But I would really like to meet them. I understand this is all new to you, but now I am starting to feel like you're hiding me from them that you don't want them to meet me or vice versa. Are you embarassed of me? I honestly don't think so because you take me out all the time. I really am not trying to be a bitch baby, just confessing everything here. I just want to be more involved in your life and do things with you. I want to go on trips with you and your brother. Not all of them some of them would be fun. I just want us to be able to go places and have fun with your friends and family. Maybe even have a few cook outs this summer. That would be awesome! And you can come here and meet my crazy mom. We don't get a long as well anymore. I wish I knew why. She can be so needy sometims and if she doesn't get her way she can be a little bitchy as well. Well, I am starting to stray from the main topic...you.
Now here comes the really scary part. I know you probably don't feel exactly the same way but I need you to know this I have fallen in love with you, my Dragon. I can't exactly remember when, but it happened. You always joke about how much of an ass you can be, but I don't see it. Deep inside you are a caring person and one of the sweetest guys I know. That's why I have fallen in love with you. You are a gentleman and just so amazing...you are anything but an ass. We all have our moments where we "make an ass" of ourselves, but you're not a douche like all the other guys I guess that's why I developed a crush on you back in Sepetember. You are a real caring nice guy, and that is hard to find anymore, and it helps that you're really SEXY! haha. I have never been in a relationship like this one before, but I know I never want it to end. It's true though, I love you deeply and I don't want to lose you over this. I know how new this for you just as for me and it is scary. Please baby, don't push me away because of this. I have never been in love before at all, but I am most certain I am in love with you!! Don't shut me out now baby. You are the only guy I have ever opened up to and let in so much, but like I said in the beginning, I doubt you'll read this. I know relationships aren't perfect by any means, but I will fight for you and for us. I have never felt so strongly about someone before. To be honest, all the guys in my past were just for sex. I never really developed true feelings for them. With you, it's so much more than just sex. I believe we have an intimate emotional connection which is fueled by our trust for each other. I know you have friends that are girls, which you text, but I don't think you "like" any of them or would ever cheat on me. I highly doubt that, so baby, please don't prove me wrong. Haha. I wish I could get your feedback on this, but I am too nervous to let you read this. Maybe one day I shall share it with you. So there it is. Everything I have been holding in for a few months. Please don't hate me baby or push me away. I need you now!
Love Always,
Monica N Mullins
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
More Madness Caused by Insomnia....
I really wish I could find the right words to tel you exactly how I feel, some how I can't. It's not because I don't have strong feelings for you, it's just the opposite. My feelings are so immense, I am not quite sure how to describe them with out sounding like a school girl. Because, let's face it, this is something greater than your typical high school relationship. This is the real deal, and part of me is scared. Scared to lose you. Now that you are in my life, I can't picture me with out you anymore. The thought alone scares me to death. I don't know how long this will last, but I want to make it last forever. I have never had such a strong connection with any other guy, the way that I am connected with you. But then the other guys in my past, were not involved in a relationship; just casual sex. I suppose that is why I was nervous to get attached to you. I was scared that you were being genuinely sweet and saying things just to get with me. Now I realize I couldn't have been more wrong about you. I have grown to know you over the last five months and I have learned so much about you. You are a very family oriented man, which is good; even though every family is a bit dysfunctional. That is how we grow and learn, some people do the exact opposite and end up being criminals or addicts. I think we both over come a lot of obstacles in our past to get to where we are today, even though that may not be where we would like to be. You are very intelligent. I like listening to you, I feel like I can learn things from you, even if it is mostly about sports, history and politics. I still find the fact that you know so much interesting, because sometimes I don't feel like I know a lot about anything. You are sweet and caring. Most guys I have gone out with in the past have been douche bags, only took me out to get physical, and maybe back then I was too naive to realize that. Now I have grown and realized I want more than just a physical relationship and casual hook-ups. I want to be with someone who really cares about me, someone I can talk to when I am having a bad day, someone I can rely on to help me if I ever found myself in a jam. I believe that someone is you. I can tell by the way you act and the things you say, that you care for me more than just a physical release body. You can say some of the sweetest things to me that just make my heart melt. You have goals and aspirations. Don't let anyone destroy those. I believe in you and I believe you can still become whatever you would like to, because I know you don't want to work at your current job for the rest of your life. I wouldn't want to work there either, haha. You have so much going for you and the fact that I can absolutely call you mine is just amazing, because you truly are one of a kind specimen.
I am very thankful that I sent that message on New Years to you, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be with you. When I messaged you that night, I honestly didn't know what I wanted for the outcome. I was just going to try for a casual hook-up, since that's what most guys were into. Then I realized you were much different. You were a true gentleman that night. Our first date was Jan 7, 2013 you took me to Melini's. You were wearing a blue silk Salty Dog Cafe shirt and I can't remember what I wore. You were also my first true Valentine's Date. I never had a guy do something romantic for me on Valentine's Day. I always despised that day, well until this year. It was the best day ever. You were a red shirt, and took me to the Olive Garden. It was probably one of our best dates! I enjoy our date nights, they have become my favorite night of the week, and it's not because you take me out to some fancy restaurant and buy me an expensive meal. No, it is because I am with you. I enjoy sitting on your couch in our underwear watching TV and talking and just cuddling. The simplest things mean the greatest to me. The smallest act of kindness can be so important. I really just love being in your arms. I want to fall asleep that way, and wake up that way. I want to wake up and kiss your lips every morning for ever. I want to see that smile of yours that just brightens my day. I guess my confession here is that I want to spend everyday with you. Somewhere between January and May I have fallen in love with you Dragon. That is my name I have chosen for you. I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but I know it was in March when I just let my guard down and let you in completely. That was the moment I fell in love with you. I close my eyes, and I see yours. I go to sleep with you on my mind. I wake up and you're usually the first thing on my mind. Maybe that's not too healthy, but I never really was much of a health nut anyways. I have fallen irrevocably in love with you, Dragon. I just wonder if you will ever love me the way that I love you? Now that is kind of painful. Maybe that's why I haven't confessed my love for you yet. It is there, burning like a wild fire inside of me. I can't stop it now, for it has consumed me: mind, body, and soul. It hurts too, not the greatest feeling in the world, probably because fear accompanies love. My fear is that I will lose you. I can't bear to even think like that. I am going to cherish what we have and try my best to keep you. But one thing Dragon, I will not force you to be with me. I want you to be with me, because you want to.
Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was out of my control.
When you look at me and smile it's like for a split second everything stops, and your smile pierces through all the bad in my life and all is well again.
Love isn't finding someone you can live with, it's finding someone you can't live without.
And you'll forever be in my heart, my Dragon, my Sexy man.
Love,
Monica Nicolex<3
I am very thankful that I sent that message on New Years to you, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be with you. When I messaged you that night, I honestly didn't know what I wanted for the outcome. I was just going to try for a casual hook-up, since that's what most guys were into. Then I realized you were much different. You were a true gentleman that night. Our first date was Jan 7, 2013 you took me to Melini's. You were wearing a blue silk Salty Dog Cafe shirt and I can't remember what I wore. You were also my first true Valentine's Date. I never had a guy do something romantic for me on Valentine's Day. I always despised that day, well until this year. It was the best day ever. You were a red shirt, and took me to the Olive Garden. It was probably one of our best dates! I enjoy our date nights, they have become my favorite night of the week, and it's not because you take me out to some fancy restaurant and buy me an expensive meal. No, it is because I am with you. I enjoy sitting on your couch in our underwear watching TV and talking and just cuddling. The simplest things mean the greatest to me. The smallest act of kindness can be so important. I really just love being in your arms. I want to fall asleep that way, and wake up that way. I want to wake up and kiss your lips every morning for ever. I want to see that smile of yours that just brightens my day. I guess my confession here is that I want to spend everyday with you. Somewhere between January and May I have fallen in love with you Dragon. That is my name I have chosen for you. I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but I know it was in March when I just let my guard down and let you in completely. That was the moment I fell in love with you. I close my eyes, and I see yours. I go to sleep with you on my mind. I wake up and you're usually the first thing on my mind. Maybe that's not too healthy, but I never really was much of a health nut anyways. I have fallen irrevocably in love with you, Dragon. I just wonder if you will ever love me the way that I love you? Now that is kind of painful. Maybe that's why I haven't confessed my love for you yet. It is there, burning like a wild fire inside of me. I can't stop it now, for it has consumed me: mind, body, and soul. It hurts too, not the greatest feeling in the world, probably because fear accompanies love. My fear is that I will lose you. I can't bear to even think like that. I am going to cherish what we have and try my best to keep you. But one thing Dragon, I will not force you to be with me. I want you to be with me, because you want to.
Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was out of my control.
When you look at me and smile it's like for a split second everything stops, and your smile pierces through all the bad in my life and all is well again.
Love isn't finding someone you can live with, it's finding someone you can't live without.
And you'll forever be in my heart, my Dragon, my Sexy man.
Love,
Monica Nicolex<3
Sunday, February 17, 2013
I Found Love In A Hopeless Place
It has been a while since I have actually posted anything and I believe it is time for an update! I have been busy with work and school....ahhh school. It sucks. I don't even know what I am doing anymore -_- I want to do something else now, there is no career in what I am doing. I don't know what I was thinking. I would like to be a teacher. I guess. I am almost 27 years old and I need to figure this shit out. So confusing being a fully responsible adult. Then there is work. It sucks, most of the time. I hate it. I need a better job. But I am very thankful for the one I have. I have met very cool people working at the cinemas, and well some not so cool people. I enjoy it for the most part, the customers are what sucks. But if it wasn't for my job, I would not have met "W". He is the assistant manager, and very very cute. The stupid rule is that employees are not allowed to "date" assistant managers. I find that rule very very stupid. I can understand if it was a bigger company and what not, but we are just a small town cinema in a small town, Kentucky. Not that big of a deal, but yes it could probably cause complications at work.
The point is that I like "W". I like him a lot and he likes me. Yes, we have gone out and such and it is wonderful. I really do enjoy spending time with him. He makes me laugh and smile. He is quite a funny person and charming as well. There is a lot of things I like about him. But we have to keep it a secret that we like each other. No one can know, because if someone finds out that we are seeing each other it could be bad. He could end up getting fired, and I wouldn't want that to happen. I don't care if Steele would fire me, but not him. It just sucks keeping it a secret. I can't even talk about it on Facebook or Twitter really, because I follow/friends with most of my co-workers. He even said that if it wasn't for that damn rule that we could post whatever on Facebook. *Sigh* I am just really thankful for what we have. I am sure it could better, but right now it is perfect. I would rather have "this" than nothing at all. I just can't really believe that he likes me back. He is the first guy that I like to really like me back. There was Matt Reedy, but nothing ever came of that, because he was too busy chasing his exes.
But with "W" things are different. Things are great!! I feel so comfortable around him, and I can be completely myself and not worry about embarrassing myself or anything. Everything just feels right with you in the end.
XOXO
Monica
Thursday, August 23, 2012
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