Is It Worth the Risk??

I have always heard love was about taking risks and making sacrifices. I believe that. But what about when it comes to job security? That one is complicated. Does one person quit the job they have had for over five years for a relationship that is not even guaranteed? Do both people involved quit and try to find something new? I am not going to start ranting about how bad our economy is and the rates of unemployment. Just know that right now, especially in my area it is very difficult to find a new full-time job with benefits. Is love really worth the sacrifice? I just wish I could find a different job ASAP, that way I could leave and you would not get fired. One too many people know already, and any one of those said persons could relate it back to the "Fat Man". I do not want to see that happen. You need your job. Me, on the other hand, can find a different job. With some determination and motivation I should land something better. I just wish there was something I could do or say to prevent the "Fat Man" from finding out. I would try my best to protect you, even though, you are a higher level employee than me. Honestly, this whole rule is bullshit. I know a lot of places that allow co-workers to date. Take hospitals and medical institutes for example. Nurses are allowed to date doctors, doctors with other doctors, etc. Just think about all the drama that goes on between those employees. I understand it is a bigger business, but with our smaller business I really don't understand it. Yes, it would cause trouble between other employees and it has. It's not like we flaunt it at work. We still act very professional around each other, and we don't talk about our relationship at work. If Taylor had not opened her mouth to Tyler than none of this would be happening right now. I think we were doing very well at keeping our relationship out of work. I wasn't always flirting with you while we worked together nor was I always talking about you. It just doesn't make sense, on why corporate is so hell bent on this one rule. I know you have had past experiences with previous employees, but it never affected your work ethic or your professionalism. You are very  professional and good at what you do. It would practically break my heart to see you get fired just because we are together. I don't want this mess going back to corporate. That would make matters even worse. Right now I am just thinking, am I really worth all this trouble?? Then the worst thought comes to my mind. I even hate to think about it, because it is just outrageous. We could break-up, and call this whole thing off and never see each other any more. WHAT? NO!? I don't mean to sound selfish, but we are already drowning in this mess, might as well fight for what we want. I want you and yes, I am willing to fight. I know you're worried and so am I. I do not want to see you get fired. Lately, I haven't been able to eat or sleep right since this whole thing went down. It really scares me because I don't want  you to lose your job. I fucking love you. I just want to get another job so I can get out and save you. Once I know your job is safe then I will be at peace. Until then I am going to work hard and have better motivation to find a better job. 
Then if I do find a full-time job that pays really well, then I want us to start planning our future together. Because, let's face it we have made it this far why quit now? I believe if we make it through this mess then we can make it through anything, baby. I love you and I want you, and only you. I really hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon and this whole thing will just dissolve. 
Goodnight
MonicaNicolex

.Quotes.

Thoughts in My Head.........

 I have to get this out of my head before it kills me. My head is filled up with complete nonsense. I don't wanna deal with it anymore. I go back to school...which is good, have a few easy classes and a difficult class. It's just it seems like I have one person following me around constantly...and I can't take it anymore! I don't need a second shadow. Dennis a guy that I like for just friends, seems to constantly want more from me. Yeah, we had sex a few times, but that's all he wants. He don't wanna establish a relationship, but hell I don't wanna be with someone like that either. I want a guy who is going to like me for who I am and want to be with me. Sex is just a bonus. He's always asking me to come and stay at his house. I don't want to, because it fucking smells! It's gross! I am sick of people treating me like I am just a fucking sexual object. I have respect and class, so they can kiss my ASS! I am not tolerating his bullshit any longer. I don't have romantic feelings for him; I definitely don't want to work on starting a relationship with him. I can't open up to him. He just irritates the living hell out of me. Everytime I see his face, I wanna stab his eyes out with pencils :). I just wish he would quit being so fucking clingy. Guys aren't usually that clingy, but he is. I can't stand that. He's taking up all my air. What he really needs to do is back the fuck up and let me breathe quit trying to convince me that I want you. I am a girl who knows what she wants, and I definitely don't want him! Stupid bastard. I can find someone better. Hell he's even a cheapskate. Won't hardly take me out anywhere, and if he ever does I have to pay! Now, that shit just doesn't fly with me. I am about to delete & block his ass off Facebook. I don't wanna deal with his immature drama. He always keep saying "US" there is NO FUCKING US! I DON'T WANNA FUCK YOU. I DON'T LIKE YOU. I have told him that I only like him as a friend, but he keeps saying "You know you like me." No one knows *EXACTLY* how I feel except me, so until they walk in my shows, don't fucking assume you know anything about me. I am busy with my life and I just don't have time for high school drama. I want to find a guy who can appreciate me and respect me. I don't deserve just anyone....I deserve the RIGHT ONE. He's not it...not even close. 
xoxoxox
Monicaa