Thank you AT&T for discombobulating me!

I know I haven't updated my blog in quite sometime, but things are going okay for the most part. I am just posting this to vent. I need to expel my hatred for the company AT&T. No, it's not about any of their products or services. I actually work for AT&T. I am a tech support specialist. The job title may not sound that bad, but it doesn't have many benefits. I do get full health, dental, and vision benefits, but as far as job perks, they are far and few. I started working there about a year ago. I left Cinemark due to the drama that came with dating Donald. 
   I basically hate the way AT&T runs the company. It is not smooth and it is not very beneficial to the employees. I even complained about that in the employee survey. I just hate the way they handle things. There is always a better way. Since I started there I despise the way they do the scheduling process. Every 5-6 months employees are able to bid on a new schedule. They put the most desired schedule as their number one choice and proceed to rank the available schedules. The thing is; this only changes every 5-6 months. I don't believe this is fair to all the employees. Some employees are students as well or have families to care for. I honestly think AT&T should do a schedule bidding every 3 months. Now that is something I could handle. I am saying 3 months because I know with over 400 employees it is hard to develop an organized schedule. Giving each manager a three month notification in advance would allow them to prepare properly for the changes. That would be more beneficial to the employees and managers as well. It would also help improve our stats as well. I just think it would be more productive as a company to hold more frequent shift bids. 
    The other thing about AT&T that ticks me off is their attendance policy. Once you become a full-time employee you are given eight points for the year. If I miss a day because I am sick or family emergency, then I gain a point against the eight. They even give you a point if you miss work due to severe weather conditions, and that is where I say it is not fair. No one can control the weather, and I don't see how AT&T can hold it against us if we can't make it because the roads are covered in ice. I am sorry, but I am not risking my life to make it to work. They can fire me, but at least I know I will be alive.I just find how they handle things to be poorly executed.  
   The new schedules just got released and well I am very upset about it. I work 2-11 with Saturdays and Sundays off. I am happy I get the weekends off. Don; however, got a shift working 11-8 with Thursdays and Fridays off. Yeah, not even a single day to spend together. This is why I am pushing for us to get our own place, besides I am tired of dealing with my mom. I love her, but I am done. But that's neither here nor there. I am just worried about how he's going to spend his time off. I really hope he doesn't start talking to some other girls and seeing other people. I love him with all my heart and I really want to be with him. I am determined to make this relationship work. 
I am tired, exhausted, stressed and I am going to bed. Rant ended.
Monica Nicole. 

What is Love?

What is Love? There are many different definitions of love. One states that Love is a profoundly, tender affection for another person. Another defines it as deep passion and sexual desire. I honestly don't believe either of those. I believe we all have to conclude our own definitions of love. Yes, I do believe that it is a profound affection for another person. But with all the media focuses, does that include same-sex relationships? I don't think "LOVE" sees gender. The heart and the mind creates a profound attraction to a certain person, but the mind nor the heart sees gender as a key. If two people are in love, let them be, whether they are heterosexual or homosexual. I feel that love does not define gender. Love is a strange emotion, or a state of being. Love can bring happiness and joy to a person, but it can also end in heartache and sorrow. I cannot define love clearly. It is foggy, sometimes unclear, but when a person is in love, they will know it, feel it in their bones. Love is sort of like a drug that produces the same chemical effect as a "high." People do not want this feeling to end so they will do anything to keep it, even if it ends up hurting other people in the process. Love can be very dangerous and cause people to think un-clearly, and take negative actions against others in order to attain that feeling. When that feeling is lost, emptiness and darkness sets in and the feeling of despair and loneliness takes over. Some feel helpless and afraid that this will not go away. In the end is love really worth all this heartache? I believe so. Nothing in this world is perfect. We need to take the opportunity and fall with it. Love hard and deeply because we can learn from our heartaches and mistakes, and makes life's journey a little more exciting. 

Is It Worth the Risk??

I have always heard love was about taking risks and making sacrifices. I believe that. But what about when it comes to job security? That one is complicated. Does one person quit the job they have had for over five years for a relationship that is not even guaranteed? Do both people involved quit and try to find something new? I am not going to start ranting about how bad our economy is and the rates of unemployment. Just know that right now, especially in my area it is very difficult to find a new full-time job with benefits. Is love really worth the sacrifice? I just wish I could find a different job ASAP, that way I could leave and you would not get fired. One too many people know already, and any one of those said persons could relate it back to the "Fat Man". I do not want to see that happen. You need your job. Me, on the other hand, can find a different job. With some determination and motivation I should land something better. I just wish there was something I could do or say to prevent the "Fat Man" from finding out. I would try my best to protect you, even though, you are a higher level employee than me. Honestly, this whole rule is bullshit. I know a lot of places that allow co-workers to date. Take hospitals and medical institutes for example. Nurses are allowed to date doctors, doctors with other doctors, etc. Just think about all the drama that goes on between those employees. I understand it is a bigger business, but with our smaller business I really don't understand it. Yes, it would cause trouble between other employees and it has. It's not like we flaunt it at work. We still act very professional around each other, and we don't talk about our relationship at work. If Taylor had not opened her mouth to Tyler than none of this would be happening right now. I think we were doing very well at keeping our relationship out of work. I wasn't always flirting with you while we worked together nor was I always talking about you. It just doesn't make sense, on why corporate is so hell bent on this one rule. I know you have had past experiences with previous employees, but it never affected your work ethic or your professionalism. You are very  professional and good at what you do. It would practically break my heart to see you get fired just because we are together. I don't want this mess going back to corporate. That would make matters even worse. Right now I am just thinking, am I really worth all this trouble?? Then the worst thought comes to my mind. I even hate to think about it, because it is just outrageous. We could break-up, and call this whole thing off and never see each other any more. WHAT? NO!? I don't mean to sound selfish, but we are already drowning in this mess, might as well fight for what we want. I want you and yes, I am willing to fight. I know you're worried and so am I. I do not want to see you get fired. Lately, I haven't been able to eat or sleep right since this whole thing went down. It really scares me because I don't want  you to lose your job. I fucking love you. I just want to get another job so I can get out and save you. Once I know your job is safe then I will be at peace. Until then I am going to work hard and have better motivation to find a better job. 
Then if I do find a full-time job that pays really well, then I want us to start planning our future together. Because, let's face it we have made it this far why quit now? I believe if we make it through this mess then we can make it through anything, baby. I love you and I want you, and only you. I really hope I can see the light at the end of the tunnel soon and this whole thing will just dissolve. 
Goodnight
MonicaNicolex

.Quotes.

Confessions of the Heart

To My Dragon,
   This has been building up inside me and I really can't find the nerves to confess everything to you right away, so I am writing them down. I doubt you will read this: 1. Because you don't hardly get on twitter and 2. I am not sure if I am ready for you to read this yet. I just know I need to write them down or else I am going to go insane. So here it goes baby.
 The past six months with you has been exceptional. I have really gotten to know you as a person and I enjoy spending time with you and hanging out with you, even if it is just once a week. I know this may seem selfish, but I would like to spend just a little more time with you, yeah our schedules conflict a lot, but we can make it work. We always do. I just feel so happy when I am with you. When I am not with you I find myself thinking about you. I see your smile in my head and your deep eyes, and it just makes me smile. You make me happy. I have to say lately that you have become the best part of my life, even when I am at work; you know what I mean by that one. haha. Each day I spend with you is a great day. It doesn't matter if we go out or stay in and watch Netflix, as long as I am with you that is all that matters baby. I must confess that you have become the better part of my life, and I don't ever want to change that. You are the only thing that makes sense in my life right now. And it has made determined to find a better job, one that pays more. Don't get me wrong I like my current job, and let's face it if I never did work there I would have never met you. So I am blessed for my job at the moment, it's just time I found something better. I have goals and plans. I want to be able to get a better paying job so I can afford my own apartment. If I ever get my own apartment you can come and stay with me as long as you would like. You can even have your friends and family come over as well. I wouldn't care. I just want us to be together. Speaking of your friends and family, I want to meet them. It's time. haha. I know they know about me, and you tell me stories about them as well. But I would really like to meet them. I understand this is all new to you, but now I am starting to feel like you're hiding me from them that you don't want them to meet me or vice versa. Are you embarassed of me? I honestly don't think so because you take me out all the time. I really am not trying to be a bitch baby, just confessing everything here. I just want to be more involved in your life and do things with you. I want to go on trips with you and your brother. Not all of them some of them would be fun. I just want us to be able to go places and have fun with your friends and family. Maybe even have a few cook outs this summer. That would be awesome! And you can come here and meet my crazy mom. We don't get a long as well anymore. I wish I knew why. She can be so needy sometims and if she doesn't get her way she can be a little bitchy as well. Well, I am starting to stray from the main topic...you.
Now here comes the really scary part. I know you probably don't feel exactly the same way but I need you to know this I have fallen in love with you, my Dragon. I can't exactly remember when, but it happened. You always joke about how much of an ass you can be, but I don't see it. Deep inside you are a caring person and one of the sweetest guys I know. That's why I have fallen in love with you. You are a gentleman and just so amazing...you are anything but an ass. We all have our moments where we "make an ass" of ourselves, but you're not a douche like all the other guys I guess that's why I developed a crush on you back in Sepetember. You are a real caring nice guy, and that is hard to find anymore, and it helps that you're really SEXY! haha. I have never been in a relationship like this one before, but I know I never want it to end. It's true though, I love you deeply and I don't want to lose you over this. I know how new this for you just as for me and it is scary. Please baby, don't push me away because of this. I have never been in love before at all, but I am most certain I am in love with you!! Don't shut me out now baby. You are the only guy I have ever opened up to and let in so much, but like I said in the beginning, I doubt you'll read this. I know relationships aren't perfect by any means, but I will fight for you and for us. I have never felt so strongly about someone before. To be honest, all the guys in my past were just for sex. I never really developed true feelings for them. With you, it's so much more than just sex. I believe we have an intimate emotional connection which is fueled by our trust for each other. I know you have friends that are girls, which you text, but I don't think you "like" any of them or would ever cheat on me. I highly doubt that, so baby, please don't prove me wrong. Haha. I wish I could get your feedback on this, but I am too nervous to let you read this. Maybe one day I shall share it with you. So there it is. Everything I have been holding in for a few months. Please don't hate me baby or push me away. I need you now!
Love Always,
Monica N Mullins

-*QUOTES*-

 

~Quotes for Thought~

1. I am young and studpid and really good at making bad decisions.

2. My heart has been beaten and bruised and I'm pretty fucking confused, and I always expect to lose. I'll explain it all to you through alcohol and bad tattoos. If I talk too loud or laugh too loud it's because I'm trying to forget that I'm sad because somethings can get pretty bad, but I'd like to believe that somewhere I'll find you going no where and we can go there together.
3. She guards the gate, but she's lost the key, so no one enters, but no one leaves.
4. I do all types of crazy shit. I can't change the way I am so if I offend you good cause I still don't give a fuck
5. We spend our whole lives telling ourselves that everything happens for a reason, when in reality, we always give reasons for everythingthat happens.
6. Damaged people are dangerous, because they know how to survive.

7. I'm damaged from the inside out. I've been broken so don't try to threaten me with what you think I feel. If you read my mind you'd be in tears
8.Living on crazy dreams, rock and roll faded blue jeans and standing on the edge of everything.
9. I believe in you so much, I could die for the words that you say.

10. So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me illYou are running after somethingThat you will never killIf this is what you want
Then fire at will