I really wish I could find the right words to tel you exactly how I feel, some how I can't. It's not because I don't have strong feelings for you, it's just the opposite. My feelings are so immense, I am not quite sure how to describe them with out sounding like a school girl. Because, let's face it, this is something greater than your typical high school relationship. This is the real deal, and part of me is scared. Scared to lose you. Now that you are in my life, I can't picture me with out you anymore. The thought alone scares me to death. I don't know how long this will last, but I want to make it last forever. I have never had such a strong connection with any other guy, the way that I am connected with you. But then the other guys in my past, were not involved in a relationship; just casual sex. I suppose that is why I was nervous to get attached to you. I was scared that you were being genuinely sweet and saying things just to get with me. Now I realize I couldn't have been more wrong about you. I have grown to know you over the last five months and I have learned so much about you. You are a very family oriented man, which is good; even though every family is a bit dysfunctional. That is how we grow and learn, some people do the exact opposite and end up being criminals or addicts. I think we both over come a lot of obstacles in our past to get to where we are today, even though that may not be where we would like to be. You are very intelligent. I like listening to you, I feel like I can learn things from you, even if it is mostly about sports, history and politics. I still find the fact that you know so much interesting, because sometimes I don't feel like I know a lot about anything. You are sweet and caring. Most guys I have gone out with in the past have been douche bags, only took me out to get physical, and maybe back then I was too naive to realize that. Now I have grown and realized I want more than just a physical relationship and casual hook-ups. I want to be with someone who really cares about me, someone I can talk to when I am having a bad day, someone I can rely on to help me if I ever found myself in a jam. I believe that someone is you. I can tell by the way you act and the things you say, that you care for me more than just a physical release body. You can say some of the sweetest things to me that just make my heart melt. You have goals and aspirations. Don't let anyone destroy those. I believe in you and I believe you can still become whatever you would like to, because I know you don't want to work at your current job for the rest of your life. I wouldn't want to work there either, haha. You have so much going for you and the fact that I can absolutely call you mine is just amazing, because you truly are one of a kind specimen.
I am very thankful that I sent that message on New Years to you, because if I didn't, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't be with you. When I messaged you that night, I honestly didn't know what I wanted for the outcome. I was just going to try for a casual hook-up, since that's what most guys were into. Then I realized you were much different. You were a true gentleman that night. Our first date was Jan 7, 2013 you took me to Melini's. You were wearing a blue silk Salty Dog Cafe shirt and I can't remember what I wore. You were also my first true Valentine's Date. I never had a guy do something romantic for me on Valentine's Day. I always despised that day, well until this year. It was the best day ever. You were a red shirt, and took me to the Olive Garden. It was probably one of our best dates! I enjoy our date nights, they have become my favorite night of the week, and it's not because you take me out to some fancy restaurant and buy me an expensive meal. No, it is because I am with you. I enjoy sitting on your couch in our underwear watching TV and talking and just cuddling. The simplest things mean the greatest to me. The smallest act of kindness can be so important. I really just love being in your arms. I want to fall asleep that way, and wake up that way. I want to wake up and kiss your lips every morning for ever. I want to see that smile of yours that just brightens my day. I guess my confession here is that I want to spend everyday with you. Somewhere between January and May I have fallen in love with you Dragon. That is my name I have chosen for you. I can't tell you exactly when it happened, but I know it was in March when I just let my guard down and let you in completely. That was the moment I fell in love with you. I close my eyes, and I see yours. I go to sleep with you on my mind. I wake up and you're usually the first thing on my mind. Maybe that's not too healthy, but I never really was much of a health nut anyways. I have fallen irrevocably in love with you, Dragon. I just wonder if you will ever love me the way that I love you? Now that is kind of painful. Maybe that's why I haven't confessed my love for you yet. It is there, burning like a wild fire inside of me. I can't stop it now, for it has consumed me: mind, body, and soul. It hurts too, not the greatest feeling in the world, probably because fear accompanies love. My fear is that I will lose you. I can't bear to even think like that. I am going to cherish what we have and try my best to keep you. But one thing Dragon, I will not force you to be with me. I want you to be with me, because you want to.
Meeting you was fate. Becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was out of my control.
When you look at me and smile it's like for a split second everything stops, and your smile pierces through all the bad in my life and all is well again.
Love isn't finding someone you can live with, it's finding someone you can't live without.
And you'll forever be in my heart, my Dragon, my Sexy man.
Love,
Monica Nicolex<3
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