I guess I am writing chapter 3 of my life. Life after college, or is there one? I am
not quite sure I have found my place in this world, nor do I think I will. I have questions, such as my purpose in this world? Am I unhappy? Not currently. Things could always be better, and if I always strive for that "perfect happiness" then I am too busy missing out on the important things in life. Right now I feel blessed. I have a crazy mom who loves me to the best of her abilities, a dad that lost his way and his found again, but still cares. Now my grandparents are a different story. The only one who truly loved me is now my guardian angel. I miss her everyday. I would give anything to see her face, to feel her hug me tightly and whisper those four little words that kept me strong, "Everything Will Be Okay".
Now here I am getting ready to graduate college, with my associates. Everyone keeps asking if I am excited, but the truth is I am completely scared shitless. It really scares the hell out of me. School is the only thing I have known my entire life. Now that it is over, I have no idea what to pursue next. I have goals in mind which I would like to achieve sometime before 2015.
1. Get a better paying job
2. Get my own APT
3. Go back to school.
4. Get married and start a family.
I am not quite sure how that will work out, but I am going to work hard on achieving those goals, especially the first two. Those are the most important to me. I really need my own place.
I just feel so lost in the world, like I don't belong here. To me it's as if I am watching the world spin madly on from above, and there is no place for me. I just want to find my own special niche in this mad mad world, and create a life for myself. I want to do things with my life and accomplish things that people would be proud of. I want to create a legacy within this world. As of now it is full of chaos, confusion and war. We need to focus on unity and peace.
Too many innocent people are dying, children are crying. It's heartbreak everywhere. I would want to do something to bring the American spirit back to America. We are giving in to these terrorists. The more we fear them, the stronger they build. We need to unite instead of fighting with our fellow Americans. It has become a very sad place we live in. I just want to find my pace among all this confusion and chaos and try to build a content lifestyle.
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Now, about the boyfriend. He is just absolutely gorgeous. No, I am not being shallow. He has these really unique hazel eyes that when the light hits them just right they appear golden. So pretty. Then he has this amazing smile, that is so contagious; I can't help but smile when I see him. And when he looks at me, it's as if he is looking inside me, not at me. I have never experienced that before. I really like this guy a lot and he really seems to like me. This is the first guy I could open up to and talk to about personal stuff. I never trusted any of the previous guys I was with. There is some level of trust here, but I am afraid to give completely in, because I feel like I would be setting myself up for disaster. But when I am with him, I don't think about things like that.The only thing I can really complain about is that we do not get to see each other enough. I would love to spend daytime with him before he goes to work and stuff like that. I also really want to meet his family and friends. I think that is important. Hopefully within the few coming weeks I will get to meet them. I am really looking forward to spending time with him. He is the sweetest nicest funniest smartest guy I have ever been with, and besides this one is not addicted to drugs. This guy really wants to accomplish things with his life as well, and I believe he could. I believe together we could accomplish a lot.
I do not know what the future holds, but I really hope that it involves him and I together for a really long time.
Goodnight.
xoxoMonica Nicole
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